365TH

How ironic it is to dread change yet we are so eager to alter ourselves? I think the great paradox of it all is we tell ourselves we won’t change like “this will always be me” kind of saying but we keep on reinventing ourselves whenever we see fit. We keep changing for the better. Don’t we? There will always be this new version of us we will discover as we go on with life. I’d like to call it growth. Change can be a scary thing. It can always be either for the good or the bad. Growth is something positive. It is always better to grow to a person you intend to become.

Yesterday, I got to spend like 8h straight with my college buddies. It’s been a while since we had that kind of get together. And as we talked, all I could think was, it felt like we all have changed somehow but we are still the same people we used to be 6 years ago. Different yet still quite the same; still quite familiar. We have grown so much over the years.

I’d like to thank 2016 for all the downs that made me stronger and better. For all the ups that are truly amazingly uplifting. All changes peeled another form of me and I think that’s a good thing—to discern more about yourself. I’d always be grateful for these things that I have learned anew (some I figured out on my own and through the people I’ve been with the past 12 months. The others are from the books I’ve read this year that finally made sense):

“What you see, it isn’t me.” (Every Last Word by Tamara Stone) We can judge literally everyone but we can still be wrong about every person. There is always more than meets the eye. What we think of other people says more about us than them. What you say is who you are.
“Every two people cause an intersection. Every person alters the world.” (How They Met and Other Stories, David Levithan) Every single one of us has a purpose. You may still be figuring that out but know that you’re getting there. We are getting there. We do matter.
“People come and go”. Well, not really. I have met a bunch this year through the events I’ve been into: concerts, book signings, seminars, meet and greets, fairs and a whole lot more under different circumstances. It’s actually surprising when some keep in touch. People come all the time, sure, but not everyone leaves. People who truly care about you will always choose to stay. They will always find a way to stay.
It is okay to fail. I didn’t achieve my 2016 Reading Challenge. Such a heartbreak and disappointment. But when I tried to think why there were not enough time for me to read thousands of pages like I used to, it’s because I was busy trying to live in the real world. Still count for something, right?
Rejection is one of those pains that sting for a long time. Yet life changing all the same. By the last quarter of the year, my write ups finally got in to Thought Catalog. It is probably my greatest achievement as an aspiring writer by far. It was so fulfilling. Though, I got six or so rejected pieces, that won’t stop me now. I got more confident with my words. Rejection will always be part of our success. If we don’t face it, we won’t make it.
All your hard work will eventually pay off in the end. Always. So, you don’t dare give up.
Break-ups are not just emotionally and mentally draining. It can also kill you physically. 2 months ago, I was a whole fucking mess. But it has passed. ~~I’m okay now~~. I am more better than okay. I have surrounded myself with the real people who genuinely love me and do care for me. Blocking your ex on social media platforms doesn’t mean you are bitter. Sometimes, we do it for our own sake. We do it so we could stop visiting their profiles and hurting ourselves again and again in the process. Sometimes, we do it to spare ourselves from overthinking and tear-stained pillows and sleepless nights. But mostly, we do it to save ourselves.
You can forgive and never forget. It’s not holding grudge; it’s just learning from mistakes. Here’s to having a stronger heart and wiser mind.
Build walls. Sometimes, we really need to protect ourselves because no one’s gonna do that for us. The only one who can save us is us. It’s time to drop self-pity. It’s time to constitute self-love.
“It’s not moving on. It’s moving differently. That’s all it is. Different life. Different world. Different rules. We don’t ever leave that old world behind. We just create a new one.” (Holding Up The Universe by Jennifer Niven)
It’s all about perspective. This year may have been good to you. For some, it is just another year of routines. It all depends on how you see things and what you do with it.
“It isn’t the great big pleasures that count the most; it’s making a great deal out of the little ones–I’ve discovered the true secret of happiness and that is to live in the now. Not to be for ever regretting the past, or anticipating the future; but to get the most that you can out of this very instant.” (Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster)
“..there would be lonely days. And bad days. And days when I wondered what the hell I had just agreed to be part of. Because that was all part of the adventure too.” (After You by Jojo Moyes)
“The world changes and we change with it.” (Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, John Tiffany & Jack Thorne) We are all changing—growing apart and growing together.
There is this liberating feeling in letting go. The year is about to end. I’ve never been this desirous of another year. But whenever I think that I can finally start over (we all gotta start from scratch, don’t we?), I feel so giddy. I just feel so ecstatic about new beginnings now. I can’t wait for what 2017 has to offer. This feels like I’m dreading the sunset but anticipating the sunrise. It’s feeling everything all at once. I’m confused. I’m confused but still more excited!
“Nobody likes you when you’re 23”, well, thank you, Blink-182. That is surely as self-esteem booster. Lol

Really, I just want to THANK YOU for checking this site. I hope my words get to you somehow and I hope that you will still join me next year. I can’t wait to be better at this. Please be patient with me. I swear, I’m learning how to blog properly. 😅

I hope we all do great this 2017. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

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Keep living a WANDERful life, wanderers!