#TWLOHA : STAY | WORLD SUICIDE PREVENTION DAY

It’s World Suicide Prevention Day and I wrote something for you. This is not to trigger anyone. This is to spread awareness. This is my bleeding heart but hopeful soul. Please stay clean with me.

STAY.
Be the beauty that is you.
Be the love that is true.
Be the fight you want to win.
Be the peace you want to begin.
Be the sunset that lets you cope.
Be the sunrise that sheds hope.
Be the heart that bleeds.
Be the scar that heals.
Be the eyes that cry.
Be the lips that smile.
Stay.
And help someone do the same.

Stay. You were made for this lifetime. Live it well. You don’t have to figure out life. You just have to figure out what you want in life. You can’t always be happy but you can always find your way to it. I hope you always find the will to have it.

It was just four years ago when I found out about To Write Love On Her Arms. I was 19. I started supporting the band 5 Seconds of Summer then. I didn’t know that they will open a door of awareness for me—for a lot of people, rather.

Through the band, I met this amazing group of people—Filipino 5SOSFAM. Through these people, I heard a lot of stories. Even the darkest ones. I’m not glad of all the things I found out but I am thankful that I was there to listen. Sometimes, we just need someone we can vent on.

Two years after that, 5SOS released a song called Jet Black Heart. These are my musicians right here.

That’s when I decided to make my own stand.

I will stay.

I was made for the words that will change the world.

I will be the action that I’ve always wanted to make.

That’s when I started to participate in TWLOHA’s campaign:

Here’s what I wrote for their #RUOkayDAy in 2015.

And So I Kept Living in 2016.

Before, I write because I don’t know how to speak. I write because it’s the only way I know how to feel. It’s different now. I was made for both acts and words. I speak up through writing and I take actions, too. Let’s all make a difference and fight this stigma that lives on in mental illness. It is our battle. Do not struggle alone.

I may not be the person who did self-harm but I won’t deny the fact that I have these dark thoughts even when I was still a kid. Like most of us, probably. I have thought of so many ways how to kill myself but I wasn’t brave enough to actually do it. I’ve also thought of running away so many times. But to where? I still don’t know. What was I thinking then?

Those dark moments inside my head have become infrequent. Until 2 year ago when my parents separated. The tear-stained pillows are back. The nightmares, scaring the hell out of me—making my insomnia worse. I guess it’s just me refusing to sleep because I hate waking up feeling hurt and crying. This is probably one of those scars that won’t heal. It will just be more bearable than before.

When I’m going out with my father and my brother, it kills me everytime we part. It’s now an endless series of hellos and goodbyes. It affects me so much more than I have imagined. I have lots of friends talking about their broken family and I didn’t know it could hurt this much.

I just suddenly remember this song. Not really my exact same story but the message fits. I hope the pain doesn’t kill him. I will stay to make sure that won’t happen.

I used to think that I could endure the emotional pain more then the physical one. That’s the reason I don’t cut. I can’t hurt and bleed at the same time. But I’m not sure anymore. If there’s something I’m certain of right now is I am unstable but I am strong. I am strong and I will stay. I will stay because I don’t want to cause more pain in my loved ones’ hearts. Everyone of us have our own heartaches already. I just can’t add up to that. I will suffer but I will stay. I hope you will too.

Here’s a few song from some my favorite bands that helped me get through the day. I hope it will help you, too.

“You don’t wanna die tonight
Take one more breath to clear your mind
Every moment’s relevant
Bittersweet and delicate
Tomorrow may not come again
Tonight is all there is”

Now don’t lose your fight, kid,
It only takes a little push to pull on through,
With so much left to do;
You’ll be missing out, and we’ll be missing you.

It’s hard to be a man
But I’m doing all I can
I’m ready to give this all I have
I’m ready to be amazed
‘Cause I’m standing here alone
Trying to make this life my own

There’s something beautiful hiding in the shadows
So set the world on fire
Let’s burn a little bit brighter now

It’s 2AM, I hope you’re having better thoughts. Please stay and be well. Make sure you’re here to see the better days ahead. See you somewhere. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. I’ll just be here. xx

🇵🇭 Philippines HOPEline:

804 – HOPE (4673) | 0917 – 558 – HOPE (4673)

FOR EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD:

Albania: 127 | Argentina: (54-11) 4758-2554 | Australia: 13 11 14 |Austria: 142

Barbados: (246) 4299999 | Belgium: 106 | Botswana: 3911270 | Brazil: +55 51 211 2888

Canada – Greater Vancouver: 604-872-3311 / Toll free-Howe Sound/Sunshine Coast: 18666613311 / TTY: 1-866-872-0113 / BC-wide: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) | China: 0800-810-1117 ; (Mobile/IP/extension users): 010-8295-1332 | Croatia: (01) 4833-888 | Cyprus: +357 77 77 72 67

Denmark: +45 70 201 201

Estonia: 126 / 127 / 646 6666

Fiji: 679 670565 / 679 674364 | Finland: 01019-0071 | France: (+33) (0)9 51 11 61 30

Germany: 0800 1110 111 / 0800 1110 222 / 0800 1110 333 | Ghana: 233 244 846 701 | Greece: (0) 30 210 34 17 164

Hungary: (46) 323 888

India: 2549 7777 Ireland (1): +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 / +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 / 1850 60 90 90 / 1850 60 90 91 | Israel: 1201 | Italy: 199 284 284

Japan: 03 5774 0992 / 03 3498 0231

Kenya: +254 20 3000378 / 2051323

Liberia: 06534308 | Lithuania: 8-800 2 8888

Malaysia: (063) 92850039 / (063) 92850279 / (063) 92850049 | Malta: 179 | Mauritius: (230) 800 93 93

Namibia: (09264) 61-232-221 | Netherlands: 0900-0767 | New Zealand (1): (09) 522 2999 / 0800 111 777 | Norway: +47 815 33 300

Papua New Guinea: 675 326 0011 | Poland: +48 527 00 00 / +48 89 92 88 | Portugal: (808) 200 204

Thailand: (02) 713-6793

Ukraine: 058 | United Kingdom: 08457 909090 / +44 1603 611311 / +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 / 1850 60 90 90 / 1850 60 90 91 | United States of America: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Zimbabwe: (263) 09 65000 / 0800 9102

I know I don’t have all the countries covered so please add yours in the comment below (or if I got it wrong)