Happiness. Big word.
“im really really really tired and sad and idk i just want to stop feeling miserable and shit i dont think i have much strings left. idk why im still thinking of ppl that i will left behind im tired of always thinking of ppl of always putting them first before myself but i feel guilty when i dont and it sucks i just want to choose myself this time or choose nothingness idk all my life it has always been sad. and yes, im thinking of giving up happiness as long as i dont hurt anymore. it has always been more sad than happy anw”
Thank you for reaching out to us and opening yourself up in your most vulnerable state and that just proves how far you’ve come and how strong you are now than you were ever before. You’ve held on for so long. We know it’s not easy. Hell, nothing ever is. It’s tiring to keep fighting when all you want to do is give up. But you didn’t stay until now to just stay until now. You’ve already done so well; you deserve to get the best of what you can get out of life. You deserve to choose yourself. Do this for yourself. Maybe then, you’ll find the happiness that you need.
We can’t tell you things like “happiness is a choice” or “you can find happiness in the little things”. While that is true for us, it might not be for you. And we understand that. We cant make you see things that we see until you want to see it. But, come to think of it, the fact that you are putting other first before yourself, doesn’t that give you a sense of happiness somehow? Even just a little bit? It feels nice to have that purpose of helping others and attending to their needs.
However, you don’t need to spread yourself thin when you’re on your breaking point. Gather yourself and find your ground. You deserve that. You need to think of yourself, too. Yourself is your best friend, doesn’t it deserve the best, too? Hurting is a sign that you’re alive and you can feel more. Take it one step at a time. You don’t need to dwell too much on the concept of happiness, let it come to you naturally.
It’s more sad than happy, you said. Doesn’t that mean that there was happiness too? You just have to choose what it is you wish to linger. Sadness is inevitable. But just like right and left, you have a choice on which way to look. Do not foster sadness; instead focus on the little bit of happiness you’re getting. Do not give up the chance at happiness just to lose the sadness. You’ve fought hard enough. You deserve to see those brighter days.
The question is, do you really want to stop? If there’s a little hesitation, then maybe it’s a no. Do not stay because you are thinking of others or your loved ones. Stay because it is what you deserve. You may think you don’t want it now but who knows in the long run, you’ll look back and think “it’s all worth it”.
Because it is. And it will all somehow make sense.
Maybe not today but let’s live until we see it; until we get there – wherever that is.
I just wanted to share that because I can relate so much to the anon. It hurts to see the light when you kept yourself in the dark for so long—it is too blinding. I don’t know anymore how many times I wrote about happiness. Sometimes, I’m too positive about it. Most times, I’m just meh. There are times when I’m irritated at myself for being so pessimistic. But, should I beat myself for it? Do you have to beat yourself for thinking negatively? No. That is just how it is. Sometimes, we are happy. Sometimes, we are sad. You don’t have to be happy if you don’t feel like it. Sure, fake it until you make it—but not all the time. Be true to yourself, too. Feel those hurt. Feel the pain. When you are the most honest with yourself, the more you will feel free. There is a sense of happiness in freedom. Sulk. Cry. Drown. Then, put your head above the water. Breathe. Get up. Make yourself breakfast, go to the shower and pamper yourself. You can be sad and you can be happy. It is just how the way it is. Do not dwell too much on either thing. Life is fleeting. Just hold on and keep going. Again, it is never the destination that matters. It is the journey. I hope you pick up bits and pieces of happiness along the way to give you strength to live another day. You deserve the spring 🌻
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