because I need distraction at 2am vol. 2 | a mini story

“The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.”
—W.M.Lewis

I am back for this blog series I started last month and I feel like I need it right now so here we go.

45. When was the last time you cried, and what did it teach you?

Still crying because I really really really really miss my cat and it really really really really makes me sad. Look how small he is. I’ll never see him grow up 😭😭

Some tears do not teach you anything. They are just tears. You just cry them out.

44. How can you improve the way you treat yourself and talk to yourself?

I genuinely do not know how to answer this properly. I just think that we can treat ourselves better by doing what we love despite the other stuff that we should be doing. It is hard when you lose even that one thing that makes you you. I think we can treat ourselves better when we get hold of ourselves once in a while.

I don’t talk to myself directly. I’m just like “brain, you okay?”, or “heart, how are you coping?”

43. When are you at your best, and how do you get back there when you feel unbalanced or unwell?

I’m at best when I write. So, I write. I’m here. I’m writing this now. This may seem nonsense to some people but I want to write it.

42. Assuming your life is a story and you are the author, what does your happy ending look like?

Have I mentioned that I am not a fan of fairytales?? My childhood was stolen from me too soon. I’m not saying I hate it. I kind of stop giving a shizzu on make-believes because this is life; this is the reality. There is no point sugar-coating things and believing in happy endings. However, I still hope that we will have that—to die happy and at ease. If I will write it:

She couldn’t believe she’s made it.

It was a successful event. She did not think that people would love her book. She has always poured her heart and soul into her poetry. It was a nice feeling that her verses resonate with people’s heartstrings. She has always dreamed of moving the world with her words. She made a nudge. Small, but significant. She remembered someone who once said that you can’t change the world, but you can make something to make a difference. She knew she has left her mark.

She held on to her dream for as long she could remember. There were times when she even forgot about it. With all the other factors going on in her life, it is hard to focus on one thing. It is like she is meant to do lots of stuff simultaneously. She lost her way, but as she went on, she found her ground again. She thanked herself for not giving up and thought of all the people who made her into her best version of herself. Who she is she without them, anyway?

She smiled as she looked outside the window. She watched as the clouds slowly covered Japan. Even from above, she could see it blooming. Spring was about to end and she could feel autumn just lurking around the corner. But she could no longer stay.

“This is not home”, she told herself as she boarded her plane back to the Philippines.

There has always been this sad feeling that lingered at home but it was familiar and something she has always been looking for. It was not heavy this time. It was just.

She was thankful for the bed as she sipped her favorite coffee blend. It was raining outside and she felt a sense of ease just watching the tiny drops raced down on her bedroom window.

Tonight, she would think of more feelings and emotions that she could turn into words. Tonight, she was going to sleep without thinking of what bad dreams could wake her up this time at ungodly hour. Tonight, she would think of happy thoughts because she deserved it.

Tonight, she would find peace within herself.

41. If you could be president for one day, what would you do, and why?

I don’t know what will I do for my country, at least in a political sense. But, I’d really love for all citizens to see a psychologist. If psychiatrist is needed, at least we will know. Mental health is very important. If we can all just end the stigma that comes with it, I think we can reach our full potential as a society.

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That is it for now. You can comment down below what you think of my thoughts right here or you can answer these questions yourself.

I am going to sleep now even though I literally just woke up six hours ago. My head really hurts even after I took meds. It’s still throbbing.

I hope you are feeling okay, wherever you are in the world.

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