I still find this funny, but I understand exactly what it means.
We are on the last week of June, and it was pretty eventful. I don’t know when I will post this, I will just trust the number I’m going to click to schedule this post.
So, I cut people out of my life. Yes, I basically talk to three people on a daily basis. Are those people lucky that I still talk to them? Not really, they had to deal with the pessimistic me that no one had ever seen before. You see, I had always been cheeky. But, things change. For the better or worse? Only us can tell.
I got a message from a friend telling me that she liked me as a person, and it does not matter if I am happy or sad. She is an empath like me, so I know where she is coming from. It is exactly why I am keeping my distance. Being an empath is draining, I don’t want to be more of a burden than I already am to her. I just can’t bear the thought.
Another friend messaged me telling me to forgive myself, and that I am not going to lose her. I am still in the process, until then I am keeping my distance.
Then my best friend since 2nd grade (yep, imagine how many years we had been friends alr) reached out, too. She told me that I can take all the time I need and she will still be there waiting for me.
I am lucky to have them. They understand that it gets me really anxious when I open my personal accounts in social media, so I don’t do that as often as I used to. I don’t answer calls from unknown numbers because I don’t know? It gives me anxiety. I don’t even use phone now. My mother scolded me for not answering her calls the past days because she was using another number, so it’s unregistered, and I just couldn’t???
It is not like I don’t want these people in my life. I don’t want myself to be in their lives. If that makes sense? I am still in the process of making myself better. I want for that time to come when I say hi, I am finally okay and I am back to my usual self. I am not forgetting, I am just finding the way on my own. But, I will come back. I know I will.
But, for now, I want my peace.
Is that selfish?
Does it make any sense?
Because I don’t know anymore.
No one would be disappointed in me as much as I am disappointed in myself.
And that is what anxiety does to you, or maybe it is something else.
「DISCLAIMER: featured image, caption from Thought Catalog」
13 thoughts on “It’s Not You, It’s Me”
I’m just glad that you have more to look forward to and more people to welcome you when that time comes.
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