It’s Not You, It’s Me

I still find this funny, but I understand exactly what it means.

We are on the last week of June, and it was pretty eventful. I don’t know when I will post this, I will just trust the number I’m going to click to schedule this post.

So, I cut people out of my life. Yes, I basically talk to three people on a daily basis. Are those people lucky that I still talk to them? Not really, they had to deal with the pessimistic me that no one had ever seen before. You see, I had always been cheeky. But, things change. For the better or worse? Only us can tell.

I got a message from a friend telling me that she liked me as a person, and it does not matter if I am happy or sad. She is an empath like me, so I know where she is coming from. It is exactly why I am keeping my distance. Being an empath is draining, I don’t want to be more of a burden than I already am to her. I just can’t bear the thought.

Another friend messaged me telling me to forgive myself, and that I am not going to lose her. I am still in the process, until then I am keeping my distance.

Then my best friend since 2nd grade (yep, imagine how many years we had been friends alr) reached out, too. She told me that I can take all the time I need and she will still be there waiting for me.

I am lucky to have them. They understand that it gets me really anxious when I open my personal accounts in social media, so I don’t do that as often as I used to. I don’t answer calls from unknown numbers because I don’t know? It gives me anxiety. I don’t even use phone now. My mother scolded me for not answering her calls the past days because she was using another number, so it’s unregistered, and I just couldn’t???

It is not like I don’t want these people in my life. I don’t want myself to be in their lives. If that makes sense? I am still in the process of making myself better. I want for that time to come when I say hi, I am finally okay and I am back to my usual self. I am not forgetting, I am just finding the way on my own. But, I will come back. I know I will.

But, for now, I want my peace.

Is that selfish?

Does it make any sense?

Because I don’t know anymore.

No one would be disappointed in me as much as I am disappointed in myself.

And that is what anxiety does to you, or maybe it is something else.

「DISCLAIMER: featured image, caption from Thought Catalog」