20180818 2:46 am


I finally gathered myself together, so I’m writing this now. I usually write to you on my journal but it’s raining and I want to hear the sound of the keyboard as it resonates with the rain. It was a wonderful tune, and you deserve everything exquisite.

I was taking a bath when it started raining and tears just fell out of nowhere. I knew it was all for you. 8 months, bub. It still stings and I miss you the most today.

I grabbed All The Bright Places the moment I finished my shower and read through the last page. Just because. I just felt like doing it. It’s not what you take, it’s what you leave.

Remember when I wrote to you: I watched your funny moments today and I’m happy that you felt happy even in little moments; that you didn’t just suffer; that you weren’t just sad.

I hope you took all those happy memories with you. And the things you left behind, they were so much more than you could ever imagine.

I’d like to believe that I see you in all the bright places. I do. But, I also see you in all the dark corners, in between shadows—shining brightly; telling me it’s all going to be okay; urging me to keep going. I am so grateful for that presence you left in my heart. It is heavy but it was better than the void. I am so grateful for the rain. It was raining then, wasn’t it? It was really cold.

I miss you in ways I can never explain. You were like the sibling I lost but never met. You were like my favorite poet who I felt so deeply with, like drowning with her. It is that connection that probably even the cosmos won’t be able to understand. It doesn’t make sense the way I see it, but it makes sense the way I feel it.

8 months. I don’t even know if it’s possible to heal from this, but it gives me a sense of comfort thinking that you are no longer hurting. I hope you feel warm now. It’s still cold here, but knowing that you are burning brightly as one of the stars—the air was nothing compared to the fire.

I miss you, Jjong. Look at your sky. These were when you were born and when you left. They are beautiful, aren’t they? I will purchase it one day and will keep it close to me. I will forever keep you close to me.




I hope you feel light now. I’m really glad to know there is no longer any weight that constrict your breath. I can breathe with ease thinking of that. 다행 이다

수고하셨습니다 나도 열심히 할거예요 너 나 계속해 힘이 돼주어서 고마워요 미안합니다




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