mono by RM: a soul monologue

Play mono at my funeral – I told this to my friends after playing the whole playlist non-stop after its release. It still stands.

Mono speaks my soul. Everything is me. I don’t think someone has understood me better than RM.

What I love most about mono is probably the fact that RM did not release the official lyrics. He wanted the listeners to interpret it in our own language. So, that’s what I am doing. Here is my attempt to a mono review.

RM said on his VLIVE that the obvious reason for the title is 흑백 = monochrome (black and white); and that it could also be the prefix mono which means alone or one.

Mono, for me, is both of those things. The black and white. The ☯. I have always been fascinated by this concept (my Chinese is screaming). Sometimes, we see life as black and white – without realizing that the shadow can’t exist without the light.

RM mentioned that it can be a conversation between him and us. Perhaps, it is why it feels comforting despite the melancholic vibe of it.

But I will take it as a monologue, too. Oneness. Hence, the title of this blog.

There is a constant monologue inside my head that I don’t understand the speech anymore. Most of the time, it just keeps on running and I don’t know how to stop it. I lost the remote at some point.

Tokyo

If you have been reading my blog, you should know by now how much I long for Japan. It was a childhood dream. For some unknown reasons, that country is “calling” me. I cry when I hear Japanese songs. I started writing because of Jerusha Abbott that I have seen from an anime. There is really something in that country that makes my heart constricts, both in a good and bad way. Weirdly enough, it feels home.

I thought at first that this song has something to do with that. Nope. But it doesn’t hurt less.

When it started playing, all I could think was “YES! WE ARE GOING LOFI!”

Since the year started, I’ve been listening to lots of lofi playlists on Youtube. I’m just really grateful that RM incorporated that theme here. I AM SO HAPPY! But then, the lyrics: I AM SAD LMAO

I see Pinocchio wearing a poncho / it’s me some time ago

Do I miss myself

I remember texting a friend saying: listening to Tokyo and I just thought that it’s one thing to be sad when things change, and it gets even sadder thinking that it is not only the things that have changed – but you as well. So, we miss ourselves, too.

Maybe it’s called identity crisis. 😂

During the VLIVE, RM mentioned how he has changed, and that was when he had to reflect. He used to wear monochromatic, and now he is starting to add pop of colors to his wardrobe.

It reminded me of my love for yellow. It was the first color I remember that I deemed as my favorite. I even checked on my mother because I don’t know how it changed to blue. It just happened. You may think it’s just a color, but there can be a deeper meaning to it too. LGBTQ+ has colors to symbolize the movement. The KPOP fandoms have their own colors as well. It is more than just a color.

I still like the color yellow, but not as I used to. It is just not me anymore. It is too bright; it is too alive. I am not.

Do I miss your face

Again, I am taking this whole playlist as a monologue. When I talk to people, I can be so sure of myself. When I look in the mirror, I don’t know anymore.

RM said on his VLIVE that the song still makes him feel very lonely when he listens to it. Well, good job, Mr. President. ’cause 나도!!!

Seoul

It is a bop!!!! RM is singing!!!! Life is good!!!!

The days of my youth seem so far away / and now it’s full of buildings and cars / but this is my home now

For someone who was born in Ilsan, he definitely misses his life there, but Seoul is also where he builds his life now. His sentiments are understandable.

 

I’m so sick of you now / the same old ashy face of yours everyday / no, no I’m afraid of myself / ‘cause I already have become a part of you

I interpret it as, again, another monologue. It is not just about Seoul anymore. It is becoming someone you said you would never be – or something in that sense. Adapt. Change.

If love and hate are the same words / I love you, Seoul / If love and hate are the same words / I love you, Seoul

I also feel this about my town. I’ve been here since forever. I love it. It is home, but I still feel that I need to be somewhere else too. I love how it is alive. I hate how I am not that alive.

And the Han River that bears too much Han

I have no words for this line. My heart is still aching. How can an upbeat song be this sad???

I’m leaving you / I’m living you

I am tired of his wordplay ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ It is what I feel about some versions of myself, and again, this town. I take it like that: parts of my soul and parts of this small town I grew up in.

Moonchild

Halt! I am bawling. I am happy about the word moonchild. I love the moon so much. When I watch it at night or at dawn, it has this feel of magic on it. But, when RM said what this song meant for him, I love it even more ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

We’re born in the moonlight

We are all moonchild, to be honest (if you believe in that). Also, if you are born at night, you are more in tune with the moon. So hello, people with night charts.

We’re born to be sad / sad / sad / suffer to be glad / glad / glad

I used to whine about this fact. Why do we always have to work on something before we get it? Why couldn’t we get something even after we worked hard for it? I had those thoughts, too.

My pessimistic self is all about life!!! is!!! a!!! perpetual!!! struggle!!! You can’t deny it, but there are still good things. It be like that sometimes.

That’s how it’s supposed to be / yeah all these pain and all these sorrows / that’s our destiny, see? / you and my life was like this / we gotta dance in the rain / dance in the pain

Amor Fati. Nietszche. Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.

It’s okay to shed the tears / but don’t you tear yourself

I’M SO HAPPY I’M CRYING. I hate being too emotional, but it’s all I ever know. It feels like RM is consoling my crybaby ass. Crying is very cathartic for me. I panic when I feel like crying but I can’t cry. I panic when I don’t and can’t feel.

It is a release. I hate thinking what bottling it in does to me; it’s not pretty. It’s not pretty when I explode. I don’t want to be there again.

Moonchild / don’t cry / when moon rise / it’s your time

Thank you, Joon. Thank you ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

RM said on his VLIVE that it is for those who find the day suffocating; those who feel choked because of job or something; those who get freedom at night.

I always say that there is comfort at night. It is scary. Damn, it is so scary. But the night makes me appreciate the sunrise more. I was a sunset person; I am this ‘I made it through the day’ kind of person. But, it all changed last year. It was easier (at least, for me, to survive the day). The night? Not so. Sunrise means I make it through another day. I survived the night.

Badbye

Mono, for me is a full song. All these seven songs rolled into one. If Tokyo is the Intro, Badbye is the bridge/interlude for me. The repetitive lyrics of it throughout the song are easy to catch on. It really leaves a bold impression and it resonates with me so much. A monologue:

Kill me / kill me softly / kill me / kill me softly / 나를 산산조각내줘 (break me into pieces)

어긋/Uh Good

The original meaning of the hangul word is ‘out of place’ or ‘being off’ but he used Uh Good instead. Yeah, what’s good???

All I need is me / All I need is me / I know / I know / I know

Here I am again with my belief that you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. All I need is me, I know. It is all me, I know.

I feel so lonely when I’m with me

Why, right? I don’t know, too.

I can’t give up on myself / I can’t let the me I know go

Let’s not give up on ourselves. Uh, good. I hope you keep yourself, self.

지나가 / Everythingoes

Basically, it is from the saying “It will pass.” We often say that as a consolation when something bad happens. RM explained that his therapist told him that the only way to relieve psychological pain is to think that it will pass eventually. Really, it helps most of the time.

Embrace the world and breathe in / that prickling air that fills up your lungs

You know how you are so used to having episodes and you’re tired of it, but you know it will pass, anyway? So, you cry; you weep; you catch your breath. You sleep in a tear-stained pillow without knowing why and the next thing you know, it has passed. It is morning again. This song has that sense of feeling into it. It is soothing. RM said he hopes that it gives comfort. It does!! I love you!!!!

It will pass / eventually / for sure / definitely

It gets harder as the weather gets colder but it will pass. It will pass.

Forever Rain

I already wrote an extensive review of this! You can read it here.

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I know this is long overdue, but I waited for RM to do his live and talk about this before I write my own interpretation. And of course, life catches up and I had no time to turn my feelings into words. But I thought, if I don’t write this now, I won’t be able to write it ever – like the other blog posts I left on the back burner.

I feel like I lack words somehow explaining and interpreting Mono, but this is all I have right now. LOL

I still find it funny when some people think I’m good with words. I also struggle expressing myself, if only you know :’) Anyway, I hope you somehow understood where I’m coming from.

What do you think of mono? Share with me your thoughts, too! 🙂

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