Blogmas #4: because I need distraction at 2am vol. 7

I wasn’t able to do this series last month (and this is my 333rd blog post!), so I thought: let’s get more personal 🙂

20. What do you love most about yourself?

I would say that I love being an empath, even it is emotionally draining and physically crippling. (2021 Enna editing this: who says you’re an empath? lol)

Ah, I also love how I could speak my thoughts. I remember how one of my friends told me before that I can be really direct. My younger self would speak up even it scared her to death; even when her voice broke and her hands shook. She. Would. Speak. Up. She would communicate her thoughts. That was before, though. Not anymore. I have disappointed too many people that I don’t think I have the right to speak—or write, for that matter. I don’t know. I still sometimes explode, though.

19. How do you deal with helplessness, with letting go, with release and surrender of expectations?

I don’t know if I know how to deal with helplessness; I still self-pity going through it. But if there is one thing I can assure myself is that, no one is going to save me but myself. The convincing part is the hardest part; it is same with letting go. I just know that you can’t let go of things unless there’s acceptance first; unless you accept the fact that there is no point of holding on anymore because it no longer makes you grow—whatever that is. I don’t know. I can’t find the right words. Hmm, expectations. Big word. I don’t think I got high expectations from anyone, really—until people started telling me that I disappointed them. I can’t change that anymore, but I can still be better.

18. What is the best advice you have ever been given?

I think I already mentioned it here on the blog: ‘No one knows your true story; no one knows what you are going through. Chin up.’ My aunt told me that before my first job interview.

17. How would your life change if you were your own biggest fan and truly believed in yourself?

I have no idea! I think being one of your own biggest fan would be lonely. I mean, it is good that you believe in yourself and you acknowledge that. But, I also think that what helps us grow are the moments that we were down. You can’t truly believe in yourself unless you doubt yourself first. We won’t be humble enough if we are just full of ourselves, to be honest. There would be no exhilarating feeling if we feel as if we can do anything. I’d rather do things that I thought I can’t do, if that makes sense.

16. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and what’s stopping you from taking action?

I just want my trauma and mental shits gone, but I don’t know who I am anymore without these things? I’m already working on it, though. Let’s see who I become, then 🙂

These journal prompts are from Thought Catalog.