Word of the Year + why I don’t like to write poems anymore

I remembered this time last year, it was hectic because I was about to leave my 9-5. I’m surprised that this year, the first week of 2019, passed by in fast forward, too. Have you felt it as well? I wasn’t able to sit down and reflect until last night. It is kind of frustrating that after setting intentions and goals before 2018 ended, some of those are already broken on the first week. *insert hysterical laugh* How are you keeping up with your habits?

I am not the person who sticks with “Theme/Word of the Year,” but this time, I want to stick to something. It is very hard for me to be consistent and to commit, so I went for the word manifest. I chose the word to remind myself that I have control over my brain instead of the other way around.

I thought that if only I would always be mindful of my intentions and thoughts, I can really attract whatever I want to happen in my life—with hard work and perseverance, of course. Only a dumba$s would think he could get something without working for it. We always have to a pay a price.

The thing is, the week happened in a blur that I wasn’t really able to be mindful at all. A relapse on the first week? Check. It also didn’t help that there are things that piled up over the holidays. Are you back to regular programming?

So today, the first Monday of the year, I decided to write here, breathe, and enjoy my writing for a while. I didn’t know that having your passion as a career has its own repercussions. Everything has, right? Writing has started to be taxing. I halfheartedly joked: I DON’T WANT TO WRITE ANYMORE! I felt that on most days, but I know there is no way I am going to stop.

I am writing stories, yep. It’s fan fiction so I can say that I am still writing for myself whenever I can—so even if I am not here constantly updating on this blog, know that somewhere I have my back hunched, writing. Always am. I hope you are doing something for yourself, too.

I also had an epiphany about writing poetry the other day. I was thinking if I should include my manuscript on my goal this year. I realized what it really meant to me that I thought of changing my title to A Relapse A Poem.

Poetry is personal to me because I can tell my stories through it without being direct, and you can interpret it the way you want to. Sometimes, I like it better when no one really gets what I am trying to convey. It feels like I have that intimate and private relationship with my words. However, I noticed that my words come out when I am really sad—or overthinking. It’s been a while, but this week, some words were triggered, and it poured out of me. If I am able to write poems effortlessly, I know I’m breaking. I don’t want that. Have you ever loved something so much that you got tired of it? Perhaps not tired, just scared?

Anyway, the point is, there is so much to take in, and we’re just seven days in on the year. Hahaha! What is your word of the year? How are you holding up so far? Talk to me in the comments, I would love to hear about your week too!

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