There is something so comforting about knowing that someone understands you; that you know you are not alone in your sentiments or that it is okay to think and feel a certain way even if it’s different from everyone else. Aren’t we all living like that?  Craving for someone who will get us. After all, that can really make us feel validated, seen, and heard. It’s really sad when we feel like we are not being acknowledged and understood.

“I understand,” sounds like love to me. Until it wasn’t.

When did it stop giving me comfort?

Maybe it was one of those days when I told someone “yea, I totally understand” but suddenly I questioned myself, Do I really? Do we say these words just to make someone feel better until the sincerity couldn’t be delivered anymore?

Or maybe it was during a very bad day and someone told me “I understand,” and somehow it made me feel mad for reasons I haven’t figured out yet. “No, you don’t,” was all I could think of at that time.

I think that’s when I stopped saying the words to avoid making someone feel what I felt then. So, I often say nowadays: “that’s understandable!” or “yes, it makes sense”. These words might not have the same comfort but at least it doesn’t directly claim that I understand. Because even if I think or believe that I do, maybe I really don’t. Even when I try to put myself in someone else’s shoes, I still wear a different one. For me, these words are me saying that if I try to see it from your perspective, yes, I can see it too. I can see where you are coming from.

“I might not fully understand. I can only imagine what you are going through. But I want you to know that I’m listening, and that I’m here regardless of our different perspectives,” would have been nice.

I never thought that someone saying that they don’t understand would give me another kind of comfort. If there is a love language, maybe so is comfort.

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day, and I just want to tell you these words. I hope that you can find your person who can give you comfort the way you want to be comforted; who can listen to you the way you want to be heard; who can see you the way you want to be seen. Someone who knows how to hold your love; has the same communication style as you, and who can meet you where you are.

I know that having deep connections with people is hard work and all relationships need to be constantly taken care of, but I hope that you can have someone who can make it seem so easy, especially on rainy days.

Thank you for showing up. I’m glad that you are here. 🤎

⋆。˚ ☁︎ ˚。⋆。˚☽˚。⋆

[The World Suicide Prevention Day ribbon on the featured image is designed by International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP)]

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