I also want to share what I realised this year, there is more to it than failing; than deeming yourself as a failure. When you feel like you are at the lowest of the lows, every breakdown will feel like the end of the world. But it is not. Breakdowns, I think, force you to stop, rest for awhile and rethink what you are doing. But getting up? It is harder than the fall itself. Maybe that is why it's called breakthrough: you have to break yourself over and over again before you can build a stronger foundation within. We always always just gets stronger in the process. Do not be afraid to cry, breakdown, surrender to your emotions. It is needed for you to be able to let go, and then go on. We can't live with our traumas forever.
If being hard on ourselves mean we just want to be the best version that we possibly can, then be it.
Remember when I said I’m getting a tattoo when I turned 25? It finally happened last month.
Before, I really make time for this. No excuses. I will write anything, but maybe that’s when I lost it. I just write, without a purpose. I just write to release. While that is a purpose in itself, it only benefits me. It is different reaching out to people and have your words make its impact, touching other’s heartstrings. I lost that magic, I believe. So maybe—just maybe—I am discouraged? I want my writings to be useful if you know what I mean.
I chose the word to remind myself that I have a control over my brain instead of the other way around.
2017 was so eventful; all the changes that happened were in the form of destruction. Still, it brought lessons. 2018 is also eventful but in a completely different way. All changes that are happening now are focused on rebuilding the life I want.