Healing isn't linear. I'm writing this now because I know there will be days that I might relapse again. I want to immortalize these thoughts into words so I can have a reminder to myself. I hope that it can be a reminder to you as well – that emotions are fleeting, but our words and actions are not. I hope we can live with fewer regrets. Also, I believe that if we can be mindful of our emotions, be in touch with it, we can react in a way that won't destroy ourselves and others.
I want to live, that is why I fight it. It is what all the struggles are for: to live.
It won't work in the hands of the government alone. It needs the help of the society. It needs our help - every. single. one. of. us.
I write because I want my voice to be heard; for my voice to be louder than the screams inside my head.
I was contemplating about posting. It might trigger. It might not send the message I really want to convey. But, I really want to speak up. These are my words. PLEASE LISTEN. WAKE UP. DEPRESSION SHOULDN’T BE TAKEN LIGHTLY. YOUR IGNORANCE WON’T HELP SAVE A LIFE. PLEASE LISTEN AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND. THIS IS REALITY. PLEASE LISTEN AND ALWAYS BE THERE FOR PEOPLE.
Do I want these thoughts? No. That’s why I’m trying so hard to survive. Do I want the pain to end? Definitely. Do I want to live? YES. But that doesn’t change the fact that I am depressed; that I am struggling; that I am fighting.
"You may have an idea, but you cant be sure. Not a hundred percent. Each word, specifically chosen, could have a million different meanings. Is it a stand-in ―a symbol for another idea? Does it fit into a larger, more hidden, metaphor?"
I realized that it doesn’t matter if I start with little steps as long as I’m moving forward. It doesn’t matter if I start slow as long as I’m doing myself a favor by just simply trying.